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What’s in a name?

by on June 12, 2011

Unlimited, all you can eat, cheese sauce, that’s what.

Let me explain.  This whole conversation started months ago after a trip to Disney World when I learned from a coworker, after the fact, that one of the hamburger joints in Tomorrow Land apparently offers cheese sauce out of a pump at the condiment bar in the same way most places offer ketchup and mustard.  As in unlimited.  As in free.  As in cheese sauce.  My mind was going  a mile a minute when I first learned this potentially life changing news.  “Just think of it!  I could have had all the cheese sauce I wanted!!!”  I whined in misery and regret to B.  What an opportunity!  And, being uninformed, I had missed it.  Usually a total sucker for free condiments (he worships at the altar of Chick-Fil-A), he uncharacteristically did not share my regret.  “Fuddruckers has cheese sauce in a pump,” he revealed with total nonchalance, as if it’s no big deal.

Let’s take a moment for me to share that I realize how low-brow and weird my love of this kind of cheese sauce is.  I recognize that it doesn’t even resemble cheese.  I agree that the flavor is fake and the aftertaste can be chemical.  To be clear, I love a good, real cheese just as much as the next person.  Probably more than most.  Much more.  My favorite food would probably be cheese.  I love them all: the creamy, the sharp, the crumbly, the stinky.  They’re all perfection in my book.  Cheese sauce from a pump, however, is not the same thing as real cheese.  It’s a special treat all it’s own.  Would I pick cheese sauce from a pump over a creamy, tangy goat cheese?  Absolutely not.  But creamy, tangy, delicious goat cheese does not come out of a pump and is most decidedly not free.  It’s really the gratis pump that appeals to me.

So, I’m reeling with the news that Fuddruckers offers free cheese sauce in a pump at their restaurants.  This is awesome!  There’s a Fuddruckers a few miles away from my house!  I am on it!  But then I forgot about it and then the damn place closed.

Jump to this weekend when B and I are in Omaha where the Fuddruckers location is most definitely open.  We’d already had lunch.  We’d already had samples and gelato and cookies at Whole Foods, too.  We weren’t hungry at all.  But, by God, we were stopping at Fuddruckers.

We ordered a small basket of fries and a soda to share.  Less than $5.  But look at what was free.

The pumps were so big and shiny.  There was cheddar cheese sauce and jalapeno cheddar cheese sauce.  We got both. Of course.  Did I mention they were free?  And unlimited?

In fact, we got more than just cheese sauce.

There’s actually an elaborate condiment bar with more sauces, mayos and mustards, plus tons of veggies, salsas and other toppings you might want on your sandwich (or fries).  They’re pretty proud of it.  Should of taken a picture, but I was a little obsessed with the cheese.  I preferred the jalapeno.  The regular was pretty bland.  The jalapeno wasn’t what I would call spicy, but it had more flavor than the other.  We ate three little sample cups full with our small basket o’ fries.  Unlimited diet coke, too.  Nice place.

No post about Fuddruckers would be complete without a comment on the name itself.  It’s pretty silly.  It sounds sorta naughty.  The good folks in the signage department seem to be aware of that.

Additionally, B informed me that this Fuddruckers was not in the nicest part of Omaha, though it seemed perfectly safe when we were there.  He’d heard that there were bullet holes in the walls.  He snapped this pic in the men’s restroom to enter into the record as Evidence A.

Would I return to a restaurant that was the site of a possible urinal shootout?  You betcha.  Just so long as they keep refilling the cheese pump.

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From → Cheese, Omaha

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